i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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