yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Boobs are out for the taking
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
