It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
