either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i was born a porn star she said
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just pee around me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
