so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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