So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
