we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
