I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
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