Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
