I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
