I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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