his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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