You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
