Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
