Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
