No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
this will be a night to untag.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
