pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
COCAINE IS GR8
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
