last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
They should really pass out barf bags in church
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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