Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
