Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
