Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
