my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
