The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
