bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
