kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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