this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
