i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
