I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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