If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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