I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
