all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
