my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
