got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
