Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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