He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
