just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just found a bag of teeth...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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