shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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