my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
