Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
