Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
