No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
