I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
