i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
