I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
