mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
