Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Randomize
