i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
