I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
