winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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