I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
