nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
