I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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