Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
